You spend amount of hours commuting and working while your nanny or your domestic helper is spending this same time taking care and playing with your kid. Although you think this is the reason why you have recruited your nanny, you still feel guilty and jealous.
Finding the right balance between building your career, enjoying some time for yourself and following your child’s growth is not easy for modern mothers.
Why can you think the nanny can be a better mom that you are? During the 8 or 10 hours per day that your toddler spends with your nanny, they have time to play and go out, watch some cartoons, learn to speak and do new things… Somehow, you start to feel jealous because your kid could be attending playgroups with your nanny and not with you. While you are the one who forces to eat the vegetables he/she hates. You make dinner, give the bath, brush the teeth and then the kid is off to bed, there is no time for fun.
For many nanny employers, the thought of being jealous seems like a silly one. Of course they want their kid to love nanny but when they see the kid getting very attached to her, it is bittersweet.
Just follow these 4 tips to prevent the jealousy you feel towards your nanny.
1) I am jealous! Accept jealousy is normal
You are normal and you are not alone. When you decide to employ a full-time domestic helper to look after your baby, you should have identified from her experience and personality a great potential to make your kid safe and happy. It is then completely normal if your kid is crying when the nanny is leaving in the evening. When the feelings of jealousy are arriving, don’t try to overcome them but just accept and acknowledge them.
2) Do something special with your kid every day
You already feel bad because you probably missed out some important milestones that you have look forward to as a parent, like first steps, first words…
Find some activities that only you and your kids are doing together will help him/her spend some special time. It could be reading a book, playing water in the bath, playing some arts & craft games.
This will definitely help you re-connect with your child after a long day of disconnection. And your kid will enjoy these special moments even though they could be short.
3) See your domestic helper as a teammate and not a competitor
It is easier to be jealous of your competitor than to your teammate. Parenting with a team approach will help you have a different relationship with your helper. Your role and personality can be seen as complementary in the way you want to educate your child. And your child will easily understand the benefits of having the mother and the nanny taking care of him/her at different moment of the day.
4) Recommend to your nanny to talk about you
Even if you are not with your children, your helper can help you to maintain a link. When your nanny is playing with them, she can tell “your Mommy would be so proud of you right now”. Your helper is probably connected! In few seconds, she is able to show videos or pictures of you to your kids. Smile!
Hiring the right helper is difficult and very important for your family! An experienced helper will be aware of this kind of situation and should be mature enough to understand where the feelings come from. She will help you but also she will teach to your son or daughter that you are the most important person.